Practicing yoga helps me to relax. It helps me to be more satisfied and to be more happy and joyful about life. Yoga helps me to eat healthy and vegetarian, and not to drink (too much) alcohol. Yoga keeps me away from cigarettes.
But yoga doesn't prevent me from worrying. I am enjoying a three week holiday. In these three weeks I don't have to go to the office. It stopped my worries about work. But having vacation does not mean I don't worry at all. I noticed that my worrying now has moved itself to my yoga practice. Last night I woke up and felt very awake. Not in a million years could I ever fall back to sleep. It was 2.30 AM. I started worrying about my practice in the morning. How could I ever be able to have a steady practice if I slept so little? Of course I fell back asleep and at 5.30 AM everything was fine.
I had my last practice of this week. I practiced six times (in my Ashtanga world the week starts on Sunday), and during practice my worries were present:
'Why did I eat so much yesterday?'
'Will I ever have a flexible right hip?'
'Why doesn't the teacher come to help me?'
'This guy next to me is getting much more attention than me, why is that?'
'I cannot go on a holiday abroad because I have to maintain my practice'
'If I don't visit the shala for a week I will get punished by the teacher, I just know it.'
I have to face this panic and worries and get a grip. Ashtanga is taking over my life. I have to get my ## together and not worry about being away from the shala for a week. Because yes, I am leaving. I won't be going to the shala for a week. This afternoon my BF and I are leaving for Belgium. We are spending one week in national park The Ardennes. I am almost forgetting to feel excited about it. Of course I didn't forget to pack my mat.