Insecurities, jealousy, grumpiness, sadness, anger. I felt all these emotions in the evening. Maybe I was tired, maybe I was bored. But I got carried away with these feelings and when I woke up this morning, they were still there. Let's do some yoga, I thought. I will absolutely feel better.
Lesson 1: Everywhere you go, you always take yourself with you. Also to the mat. Even if that mat is in a beautiful and peaceful warm shala where everybody is nice and the teacher takes care of you. You are there and your feelings and emotions are there.
I started my practice. I concentrated, breathed, I stood strong in Samasthiti. I focused on my breath, on the practice, on counting five breaths in every asana. But the little bastards stood with me: anger, sadness, jealous thoughts, insecurities. I felt miserable because I could not get rid of them. Luckily, my friend E. entered the room and he started practicing next to me. I liked the distraction. I instantly felt more happy and I noticed a little smile on my face. When we chanted the opening prayer, his chanting was so loud I almost burst into laughing. After the chant, I continued my practice with far less grumpiness and bad feelings than before.
After a while, the woman next to me started to cry. The teacher sat next to her and they talked for a bit. I could not hear what they were talking about, but I noticed that I was curious. He walked away and she continued crying. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to give her a hug and I wanted to talk to her. But I told myself that I had to focus on my own practice and that the time definitely would come that I would be the person crying. And crying is not a bad thing. Emotions have to come out.
I realized my own problems were nothing. What if I feel insecure and jealous for a day? What if I am grumpy for a bit? It is hilarious. These are not real problems. These are just emotions, and they will change, they will fade away. I almost fell ashamed about my so called problems and my way of dramatizing.
I took this picture in Ibiza, Spain