Seeds that are sewn, they bear fruit. We have to deal with the fruit.
The second day in a row my friend E. wasn't present in the shala, I started to worry. Every time I practice, he is there. When I start my Suryanamaskara A, he is already doing Trikonasana. He has an enormous energy and drive and he is a real Ashtangi. He went to Mysore for a month last year and it almost killed his knees. He got injured. Now he is trying to be gentle and sweet to his knees.
I sent him a text.
'What's up? Where are you? Are you okay?'
'I am not okay. Damn this yoga. It really got to me.'
We texted for an hour. It wasn't his knee injury. It was something else, something on a different level. He felt overwhelmed and vulnerable. He felt nervous and anxious. He has his own yoga studio and at the moment he has a hard time teaching, because he feels like crying all the time.
Even though I don't feel what he does at this time, I know this will happen to me too, eventually. Because it is what Ashtanga does. It will get to you. It will hunt you down. Ashtanga plants a seed, and the seed bears fruit. We have to deal with the fruit. The fruit can be delicious and beautiful, but it can also be dark, rotten and heavy. And in stead of throwing it away immediately, we better deal with it.