To practice yoga is to get to know oneself.
This week I've spent five mornings with myself, my body, my bandha's and my breath.
It was not an easy week. I had many dark thoughts. I did not feel happy. I wanted to quit my job, end my relationship and move to India for the rest of my life.
Today I realized I always do this: whenever I feel a bit shitty, not too happy, I immediately want to change everything about my life. This means I want to run away from my horrible thoughts and feelings as soon as I feel them. I don't want to feel unhappy, so I'll look for a solution. And in my case I believe this solution is to be found in drastic changes.
Not feeling bubbly? Let's quit my job and look for another one.
Not feeling like I want to jump around? Let's get angry at the boyfriend and yell at him for everything he's ever done wrong, break up with him and find another one.
Today I found a real and realistic solution. Whenever I will have these days again, in stead of looking for opportunities to run away from my current life, why not stick with these feelings, thoughts and emotions? Look at them a bit more carefully. Examine them in stead of wanting to throw them away. For sure they are telling me something.
Dark thoughts are not pleasant, but I don't have to be scared of them. They come and go. I'd better learn from them than try to escape them.