Tomorrow is Moon Day (Full Moon that is), so this morning was the last practice before I will return to the shala on Thursday.
Before this morning's practice I thought about my fears, anxiety and insecurities and since I sometimes use my yoga practice as a form of therapy, these were the subjects I wanted to work on.
I started the practice and thought about how I have the same stupid fears for years, some for maybe 25 years. I should throw them a celebration party, for sticking with me all these decades.
I thought about babies. How they are pure and how they don't have any fears yet, because they don't think. They just are babies. Ha, I thought, there it is. If you cannot think, you cannot have fears. And yes, of course you will get scared when a group of hungry, burning lions are running towards you, but this is not something I have experienced once or twice over the last few years. My fears are way duller and less exciting, but still they are fears and they are often present and they are bothering me.
I continued my practice considering this and at some point I said to myself: my fears are nothing but bad thoughts. Just skip the stupid bastards. Get rid of them. How hard can it be? Tell them goodbye. But suddenly I felt something different. I felt that could not be the way to deal with my fears. I had to be more gentle, more soft and sweet to myself. These fears, even if they are nothing but bad thoughts, they belong to me and they will appear once in a while. I have to treat them with kindness, I have to be soft to them. So if a negative thought will pop up, I don't just chase it away, I better welcome it with sweet words like: hey, it is you! Back again. How are you today?
I think they will disappear before I know it, because with this approach, I don't fight them. For why would I want to fight myself?
I took this picture somewhere in Florida