Five times a week I go to Mysore Class in a shala in a yoga studio in the morning.
Five days a week I spend at the office.
First one: Fabulous. Relaxed and magic atmosphere, sweet people, thoughts about wanting to stay forever.
Second: Stressful and chaotic environment, annoying and demanding clients and colleagues, a lot of negative thoughts.
This morning I experienced a low point. From the moment I left the yoga studio until it was time to have lunch, I spent in my head thinking I wanted to quit my job. I just couldn't take it anymore. The fuss, the matters which my heart don't care about, the pressure, the stress, the work load, the nagging clients and colleagues, the mask I have to wear, the smile I have to put on when I don't want to, the excuses I have to make for my and other people's mistakes. Eugh. I started fantasying about another job. No not a job. About being my own boss. No, I don't want a boutique or a flower shop. I want to write. For myself. Blogging for life.
Just then I opened Twitter and saw a girl going on and on about her life. About her doubts, worries, fatigue. She is a full time blogger, she is her own boss. And still, she was miserable. She did not like it, anymore. The social media world is a harsh one. People critique you and your writing a lot, you got to have thick skin to handle it. People are annoying, brutal, lying, or they want something from you. I used to think this was a not so nice kind of side effect of the blogging/social media world, but now I've read this girl's misery about it, I think it can get under your skin. It can leave you awake at night. And if it doesn't, if your skin is think enough to handle it, to simply don't care about the comments and the negativity, you've become a person who has built a huge wall around themselves to protect them. I am not sure if I can be such a person.
During lunch I decided to give my negative thoughts about my job less space. I decided that every time I would catch myself thinking negative thoughts, I would stop them and turn them into positive ones.
Good luck with that, I said to myself.
I took this picture in France, near St. Tropez